Who Cares About Father's Day?

I didn't grow up celebrating Father's Day.  If my life were a sitcom,  my father would be the recurring special guest star you don't see for 3 seasons then shows up for the season finale.  As a matter of fact, most of my life I thought Father's Day, Mother's Day, and Velentines Day were corporate holidays solely designed to get you to spend money. I know a lot of people who feel this way and I was right there with them.  My family changed my mind.

Thanks, Chris.  Bet you won't say this on Mothers Day, though.

"Why do you want props for something you're supposed to do anyway?" - the Peanut Gallery

Men are wired to need two things, appreciation and respect.  It's why men working a dead-end jobs and/or hear nothing but complaints from their lady at home feel like their soul is being crushed.  No one wants to put their heart and soul into something day in and day out for the only pay off to be criticism and indifference.  Sounds great in a stand up routine but real men need to know their efforts are appreciated. (Deadbeat dads and no-ambition workers, this is not for you.  Shhh.). 

"If you appreciate your [insert loved one here] every other day of the year why do you need a special day?"

Anything you do every single day becomes normal and routine.  People are people.  We get angry, say things we don't mean, get caught up in our own drama, and tend to forget to be nice to those we see and love the most.  It isn't possible to do something above and beyond every day.  

You already know...

We love our families.  We work hard to keep them safe, protected, clothed, and fed and there isn't a day we don't think about how to do better for them.  A special heartfelt thank you from the people we care about the most is worth more than any pair of Jordan's, any power tool set, any sports championship, any favorite car, or ...tie.  So to all my brothers standing in the gap...

We Get the Message

I refuse to call this a tragedy. Though it may fit the text book definition, using "tragedy" in this context would imply that this was something that was regrettable but couldn't be helped.  We all feel sad about tragedies. We make a couple of hashtags on social media to express our condolences, and then move on until the next #imsadforyou moment.  This is not one of those events.  This is a message. There is no ambiguity here.  There is no nuance.  There is no question that the motivation for this attack was racism and  people are sick and tired of it.

Dylan Roof's arraignment 6/19/15 (Photo: CNN)

Dylann Roof was born and raised in a state that still proudly flies the confederate flag at its state capital.  Its streets are named after confederate generals.  Even as the governor is shedding tears on a podium at the inhumanity of this crime, the building she goes to work in every day still proudly flies the very symbol of that hatred.  As a matter of fact, of the 3 flags that fly at the Capital Building, the American flag, the state flag of South Carolina, and the Confederate battle flag, only one of those isn't at half mast today (Friday 6/19/2015 1 day post massacre).  The excuse that the Governor has no control over the flag and that it has to pass through the General Assembly is a weak one.  Those who would argue that the Confederate flag is a symbol of your heritage, I'd like to ask you something.  What heritage are you celebrating?  The Confederate States of America didn't secede to defend the freedom of states rights.  They did it to defend the institution of slavery and the ideology that no black man should ever be equal to a white man.  They explicitly said so.  Conservative news outlets also refuse to call this a racist attack, choosing instead to attempt to call themselves the victims by call it an attack on faith.  It wasn't.  This was a terrorist attack meant to intimidate black people and start a race war.  Roof explicitly said so.    To deny these facts is disrespectful to the victims and dishonors their memories.  They died because they were black.

Undated photo of flags flying over the South Carolina Capitol Building in Charleston. (Image from The Grio)

 Color blindness allows us to pretend this was the work of one deranged individual.  We get to deflect  the idea that its representative of a culture that has built its base of wealth on the backs of cheap Black labor and still devalues Black lives.  You wonder why Black Americans don't feel part of the mainstream?  You wonder why Michelle Obama can say that the only time she felt proud to be an American was when her husband was elected President?  It's because there are certain groups that will never let you forget what you are and are working tirelessly to keep you in second class status.  They have no problems pulling the socioeconomic chair from under you and then blaming you for falling. They are people who see nothing wrong with the abuse of teenagers, the killing of children, and unarmed suspects but see black poverty as a moral failing.  It's the same cognitive dissonance that allows us to be OK with policies like "stop and frisk", watch police officers brutalize and kill people of color with impunity but claim we live in the freest country in the world.  I'm not even going to get into the 24 hr propaganda machine we call cable news.  We are not the only country guilty of barbarism toward a minority population nor are we the only country that has escaped sanctions by the UN for violations of Human Rights. However, we are the only country that hangs our national identity on our civil liberties and personal freedoms. We market ourselves to the world as the champions freedom, yet in one of our oldest states, a flag of terror still flies. It is blatant hypocrisy.  Real healing and reconciliation cannot happen until mainstream America fully admits to the problem it has with race and commits itself to a cultural change.  Anything less than that is window dressing.  

Rest in Peace.  The Lord has you now.  (Photo: The Grio)

There's not much more that can be said about the massacre in Charleston that hasn't been hashed, rehashed, minced, diced, chopped, cried over, raged about, or spun in the last 2 days.  The only thing I can offer as an everyday man is a reminder to stay focused, vigilant, and prepared.  Even the judge presiding over Dylan's arraignment pleaded for sympathy for his family instead of first acknowledging the victims representatives in the room.  The message Black America is receiving is loud and clear.  You don't matter.  

Word! Caribbean Book Fest

I can't say enough how refreshing it was to be around such creative and conscious souls.  The myriad of publishers, authors, and enthusiasts gave the Word! event an energy that felt like home.  It's easy to forget how many writers are still out there struggling to get across the message of the everyman to to other everyday people.  The job of a writer is a time consuming emotional roller coaster that if you don't have the right support, can throw you into the proverbial dirt like a wild bull.  These people reminded me just how sweet it is when you refuse to let go.  I got speak with great fiction writers like Marlon James, author of Jon Crow's Devil, The Book of Night Women, and A Brief History of Seven Killings.  Insight into another author's creative process, as individually unique as it is, can provide a great starting point for novice writers like me to create their own.  The art form itself is so cathartic to me I can't help but put pen to paper or keystroke to screen when the fire is lit.  It's not often I get to be surrounded by people who have that same passion.  An added bonus is that most of the guests have lived the immigrant experience and not only put it into their stories, but the books have a cultural flavor and authenticity that can't be matched by mainstream writers.  It's nice to know that I don't have to compromise myself, nor should I, to write a great story.  That's not something many of us can say every day.