Do You Really Want to Be Famous?

I think most of us associate fame with riches as if they're inextricably linked but Joe Frazier died broke and I bet no one reading this can name the CEO of Coca Cola without Google.  (Muhtar Kent, 1.6m in 2015) There are ways to the promised land without putting yourself in the public eye. This is why I have so much respect for my creative people. Singers, actors, comedians, writers, poets, artists (music and illustrative), dancers and people coming up with new ways to entertain us in ways they haven't quite categorized yet. There is nothing braver than standing in front of the world and saying "this is what I can do. Judge me." Being paid for being your authentic self is something most of us place firmly in the "LOL that'll NEVER happen" category but the ones that survive the experience, feel a euphoria that few can relate to.  That success, however, comes with a cost. Sometimes you sell your privacy, your dignity, and the very right to be respected as a human being because you're a public figure.  Some people think they own you and there's hell to pay if you disagree. The type of personal hell Leslie Jones is experiencing right now. Her public shaming has taken a vicious turn that goes well beyond racism, well beyond sexism, and well beyond sanity.  What's happening to her should be reserved for rapists, pedophiles, thieves, murderers, and corrupt politicians.  Her crime?  She got paid to make a movie you didn't like.  

The idea you can tell people how to react to their own experiences is something I'm all too familiar with. (Photo: Dailymail.co.uk)

Side note, the art of knowing when to shut the fuck up has been lost in this country so I cordially invite you, who think you have the right to hide behind a keyboard and be evil to someone you never met, to attend a refresher course, here, at the Wanderer's Voice.  Where discretion isn't just a multi-syllabic word you pull out of your ass to impress your friends, its an effective tool for knowing what you should do when trying to comment on something isn't in your lane.  

Lesson #1
Are you even old enough to remember the original Ghostbusters or its Bobby Brown themed sequel?  No? 

Then by all means...Shut the fuck up.

Lesson #2
If you are old enough to remember the movie and simply don't like what they've done with the reboot are you obligated by law or some other irresistible force to spend your money on the film?  No?

I refer you to the answer above.

Lesson #3
This is the really important one so pay attention.  If you think she deserves what is happening to her, and misogynoir (I learned a word today!) has nothing to do with it, do you feel that any other member of the cast should be subjected to the same treatment?  Have they been subjected to the same treatment?  No?

Then I invite you to re-read the answer to Lesson #1

Reinforcement is so important.


Now, ask yourself why hasn't Ryan Lochte hasn't been subjected to this level of abuse?  He created an international incident and legitimately embarrassed the country.  I've barely seen a meme.  

Ok a few memes.

Why hasn't Roger Ailes, former CEO of Fox News , who sexually harassed women on his staff for decades before his forced resignation, being treated to this level of shaming?  The man is literally a rapist.  Instead, he gets a cushy job with his fellow misogynist, Donald Trump instead of the proverbial burning at the social media (and likely criminal) stake that he deserves.

You don't like her movie? Don't see it. You don't like her style of comedy?  Don't watch it. I'm not a fan of hers for reasons that I'll discuss in another blog post but I'm perfectly ok with not calling her names or hoping to shame her for doing what's none of my (or anyone's) business behind closed doors.  Is this a price worth paying for fame? The idealist in me wants to pick up America and rattle it until the dregs who get off on this type of behavior fall into the Atlantic but I'm also a realist.  Leslie isn't the first and won't be the last because anonymity has brought ugliness and by extension the backlash to fame to an entirely new level.  As much as we'd all like to be rich, is it worth having to practically become public property to get there?  Some of us are a little more sensitive to that trade than others, especially when attacks like this tend to confirm our worst fears.  Sometimes, the price of fame can be too high.  

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...Til next week!

God DAMMIT Bill!

I'm a Cosby defender...or at least I was.  In light of the recent release of court documents that reveal he admitted to using drugs to rape women, I can no longer stand with him.  Celebrity sex scandals are nothing new but this is Bill Cosby.  Mr. Jello Pudding Pop.  Dr. Cliff Huxtable.  In an era in which so many black families were victimized by the crack epidemic and the subsequent "War on Drugs", Cosby offered us a vision of black family life that ABC thought was unrealistic but NBC took a chance on and changed the lives of millions of Americans.  I was too young to care about the politics at the time.  All I saw was the family life that I wished was mine.  A loving father, tons of siblings, an environment that supported their kid's dreams, and a sense of always being able to come home. It was the opposite of what I was living.  Being the only child of a single mother who was at work more than she was home it would have been easy for me to take a very different path.

1988 "Goals".

There are a lot of people who think that ending up on the wrong side of the law or stuck in poverty is wholly the result of bad choices.  Few of us are brave enough to think critically out of fear of diminishing our own sense of accomplishment.  We like to think of ourselves as the architects and masters of our destiny.  Anyone who hasn't achieved what we have must have taken a wrong turn somewhere because the road to the middle/upper middle class life is a clear and easy blueprint, right?  Go to school, get a good job, start a business, and become a productive member of society.  If we're being honest we would admit that's only a small part of the story. You don't choose your parents, skin color, the country you're born in,  your inheritance, nor the values you are taught as a child.  The economic status of your parents is often the defining factor of not just where you start, but where you ultimately end up.  There's a reason the success stories are called "exceptional."  If it happened all the time no one would give a shit.  Living in those circumstances limits what you think is possible for you.  If you're blessed enough to be born to parents of strong character, financial means, and intelligence, congratulations, the world is your oyster.  For the rest of us, the Cosby Show was our gateway to a life of possibilities.  Every Thursday Night from 8-9pm we got to live with the Huxtables and go to college at Hillman.  We got to watch people who looked like us, talked like us, and dressed like us enjoy a life of security, privilege, and hope.  I'm one of the blessed ones.  My mother found a way to get me out so I had a chance to make it my reality.  My best friend wasn't so lucky.  I credit Dr. Cosby with showing millions of kids like me what was possible.  That's why this means more to me than the usual Hollyweird carousel of sexual depravity.

Like many of us, I had trouble distinguishing Bill Cosby from Cliff Huxtable.  I enjoyed his work so much I went to great lengths mentally to rationalize the accusations against him as a witch hunt.

"They're just trying to tear down one of the icons of black respectability."
Bill Cosby has been a parody of the man we respected for a long time.  Anyone who's been paying attention also knows that respectability politics are joke.

"They're looking for a payout."
It's possible that some of these women are looking for a payout but why would they wait until he is at the nadir of his fame and influence?  The earliest accusation is from 1965.  That's bad economics for one gold digger, let alone 42.

You lying sack of....

"Hannibal Buress just wanted to further his career."
Everyone has skeletons in their closet, including Buress, but if Cosby's hadn't raped these women, Buress wouldn't have a leg to stand on.  There's something horribly wrong with a married man who has scores of groupies willing to sleep with him but chooses to drug unwilling participants instead.  Think about that.

"Why did they wait so long to tell?"
Some didn't.  This whole thing resurfaced because Hannibal Buress was referencing his accusers stories being suppressed when Cosby's fame was at its height.  If you knew no one would believe you why put yourself through that hell?

"But he's done so much for the community!"
This is probably the one I struggled with the most because of his impact on me.  We have a tendency to excuse the rich and powerful for bad behavior.  Cultural conditioning has drilled into our heads that poverty and success are a reflections of our moral compass and willingness to work.  If you're an adult working multiple jobs for minimum wage, shitty healthcare, and still struggle to put food on the table I'm sure  you don't waste any time calling that "bullshit."  Cosby is one of the few black men to benefit from this flawed logic.  True leaders realize that in order to lead they must be above reproach in all aspects of their lives.  Leadership very restrictive and takes a person truly dedicated to the big picture not to indulge in self gratification.

Clearly, Bill Cosby duped us all, wrapping himself up in the cloak respectability and decency while stealing those very things from his victims.  The hypocrisy and arrogance he had to criticize his brothers and sisters with the same logic that Fox News uses, in light of his own admission, disgusts me.  I can't possibly put myself into the position of a woman who's had to live with this for decades.  However, I know the level of rage I would feel if this happened to one of my sisters, my wife, or my daughter.  His victims have my sympathies and I hope this newest revelation brings them some measure of peace.  I can't understand how people continue to defend him...oh wait, never mind.  I guess sometimes we only see what we want to see.  My eyes are wide open now.


God. Dammit. Bill.